If you were to survey teachers about their personality traits, I would guess that most would score highly on conscientiousness and selflessness. That is, I believe, most teachers want to do a good job, to a high standard and have a high concern for others (namely, their students). These are very admirable traits but, in a profession that constantly demands more, with ever increasing standards, it’s a recipe for burnout.
It is no surprise that the latest Teacher Wellbeing Index shows that over 75% of education staff report being stressed and experience work-related physical and psychological mental health symptoms. But what if we could do something about this by focusing on ourselves rather than trying to change ‘the system’?
The downsides of being selfless
In his excellent book, Give and Take, Wharton Professor, Adam Grant, looks into the research into giving. He argues that ‘givers’ fall into one of two main categories, ‘selfless’ and ‘otherish’.
Selfless givers have high concern for other people’s needs but a low concern for their own. On the surface, selfless givers come across as being super generous. They are the types who like to regularly offer their help. They volunteer a lot, they’ll stay late to make sure things get done, they’ll put their hand up in the staffroom when extra help is needed on the job that no one else wants to do. In the short term, this is fine but over the longer term, Grant points out that there are some serious flaws with selfless giving.
Firstly, selfless givers are less likely to have clear boundaries for their giving and so tend to be taken advantage of. Rather than work being spread out fairly, selfless givers get asked to help because they find it hard to say, ‘No’. Due to this, selfless givers start to resent giving. What started off as a desire to help and please gets superseded with frustration and resentment.
Secondly, selfless givers have a tendency to burn out. They’re so focussed on the needs of others that, in neglecting their own needs, they’ve got nothing left in the tank. In short, selfless giving is a mug’s game.
Being more otherish
Otherish givers don’t just give without question. Professor Grant explains that they have a high concern for other people’s needs but also a high concern for their own. Their giving tends to be directed by their sense of purpose. That is, they give to causes and people that are aligned to their values and that matter to them. If they’re asked to help on things that they don’t see the value of, they’re far more likely to decline the invite. This makes their giving feel more fulfilling and so they’re less likely to resent it.
With clearer boundaries for their giving, otherish givers are much more likely to carve out and protect time for their own wellbeing. If they are asked to help at a time that clashes with one of their important wellbeing related activities (e.g. a gym class, a regular meet up with friends, their choir session, etc), they’re more likely to turn down the request but also to suggest a time that works better for them. Because they have a high regard for their own needs, otherish givers are also more attuned to knowing when they need to rest and recover. All of this leads to giving that is sustainable, according to Grant. By being more ‘selfish’ and caring for their own needs, otherish givers actually give to more people and causes over a longer period of time.
Be more otherish this Christmas
Christmas is known as the ‘time of goodwill’ and that can mean it’s a time of year when demands on our giving increases even more. But, going against this trend, I’m going to suggest you experiment with being more ‘otherish’ this Christmas and try out the following ideas:
Carve out and protect time for you this Christmas – whether that’s for a wellbeing related activity, shopping or just alone time.
Recognise your stress signals and choose to do something nourishing in response
If you’re asked to give your time to something that isn’t important to you, be OK with turning down the request.
If you’re asked to help with something that clashes with a time when you’re doing something for you, suggest a time that works better for you. If that alternative time doesn’t work for either party, then you can’t help on this occasion. And that’s OK.
Practise saying ‘No’ more, generally, to requests of your time. Teachers need to do less not more.
New year, new you
Christmas marks the end of one year and the start of another. It can be a good time to take stock and make intentions for doing things differently. I’d suggest most teachers and school leaders would do well to commit to being more otherish in 2025. It’ll mean you’re likely to feel more fulfilled, more rested and more able to give in the long run.
After all, otherishness is for life and not just for Christmas.
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